Dear Mom, Dad, Dan, Kris, Lindy, Beth, Ryan, Amy, and all the people that believed in me, supported me, and actually looked at this blog the first time around and thought anything I had to say was worth listening to. Yes, I lost a LOT of weight (nearly 40 lbs and went from size 13 to size 8). Yes, I think that I found the "ultimate" weight loss plan. But, I just don't feel the satisfaction and happiness that you're supposed to feel after such great accomplishments! I was still the same person, just existing in a smaller body, and it didn't take long before that smaller body was right back to being the "same" as well.
I have learned more about myself since July (when I stopped blogging, and gave up "dietiing", because I thought I had it all figured out) than I did before, back when I was spouting off ideas about just how easy it is and pretending to be the local expert. The truth is, I have been on a LOT of diets, and I have FAILED at a LOT of diets. So expert or not, something isn't working. I know there is a lot to what makes up a person, from basic demographics, to day to day, a LOT of what's in the past and the people we have known, which all comes through as health, which all comes through in dress size and body fat percentage. Which means, body fat and dress size, are only the tip of the iceberg.
Think about that crazy word. "Health". What a stupid word. It's a noun, an adjective, a verb.. it's the word that is everything! Trying to attain "health" or get "healthy" is like trying to grab steam. Lance Armstrong, only the most "healthy" man in the world, had cancer like a zillion times for hell sakes! The core of our being, the every way that we do everything, our ingrained humanity is this huge web of learning and believing, natural and learned. Our human-ness becomes our being, becomes our personality, becomes our lifestyle, becomes our habits, becomes our day to day, which dictates what/where/how/why we eat which dictates how we move and feel and think. This whole diet thing, it's not about which book is right, whether Jillian Michaels or Cara the boxer would win in a fight, if 24 Hour or Prairie Life is bigger and better, or whether P90X is harder than Insanity. That, my friends, is all just silliness. This is weight loss thing, it's BIG. REAL BIG.
I have this friend named Ghandi who once said "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony". I was saying one thing until I got myself to do it, but I never really "thought" what I was supposed to. And I NEVER found the harmony. So this time, it's different. So this is my journey to the center of the earth. This is me using this tool, because I NEED to share and hear responses and talk to everyone that's on my side to go from big-mouthed and irritatingly "I got this all figured out"-like, to someone that is different. It is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to become a completely different person. It's why cheaters always cheat, liars always lie, shoes don't stretch, and nearly everyone gains the weight back. Because crash diets, 90 days of this, 12 weeks of that, and 10 mins of whatever, don't work.
This time, I'm not here for 12 weeks. I'm not here for 90 days. I'm not saying this is easy. But I am back and I am going to work harder than ever to change my entire person into a lot smaller person. This is OFFICIALLY, my last, first day of a new diet.
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