What a day..

Today, what a day today is.
I had taken a small break from blogging, because last time I lost weight, I did a lot of talking- this time I know I need to do a lot of listening. I have been reading and reading, Jillian Michael's 2 books, Bob Harper's book, Dr Phil's 2 books, and 2 other from less famous but equally inspirational health gurus. And I am inspired. The main points this far that I have in my head are as follows:

Are You Ready? This is the title and theme of Bob Harper's book, the first 2/3 of Dr Phil's Weight Loss Solution summarized in 3 words, and the biggest problem I never faced. Being ready isn't about having the right foods in the refridgerator or a gym membership. It's being in a place where you're ready to listen instead of talk and walk, to walk proudly with your fat body and baggy clothes into the gym, and eat what you're supposed to because you care about yourself and you want to fuel your body instead of just because some stupid book told you to.

I started a new workout class today (Farrell's) and I'm super excited. My mind was in a such a great spt, that I know I have already fixed the biggest problem I've ever had. We had to run a mile today, and I was the slowest of the group that ran the whole way. But I ran the whole way. The last time I tried to run a mile, I was 205 lbs in highschool gym class, I'd never hated myself or the world around me more. It was a sunny, blue sky Colorado day, I was wearing black mesh shorts that I actually still own and basketball camp teeshirt that was 3 years old (before I got fat and actually still played sports) that was stained on the bottom right and had a hole in the left arm pit. The track at my highschool was new, and red. And I think it was probably that moment and that feeling that I never wanted to EVER experience again, and the best way was to eat, and hide, and hate myself.

But you know what? I don't anymore. So F you, old Shannon. I ran the mile today, slowly, but the whole way. Singing songs in my head, hating that the wind NEVER stops blowing in Nebraska, and knowing that the super hot jock who finished in half the time I did was watching, and not giving a darn anyway. Last time I ran this, I was 205. I am 171 now. I was angry, now I am content. I was hdiing, I am out in the world now. And THAT, my friends, is a win.

What a great day.